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Sosos log. Star dejt 25082006. Nalazimo se u delta kvadrantu.Moj najdraži Vulkanac Ivan Spok Balen mi je danas rekao da ga stavim na led. Trbušni zid se srušio. Iskoristio je staru vulkansku tehniku spajanja uma s tijelom i zaključio da je jedini logičan zaključak da mora propustiti današnji okršaj s Belgijusancima. Podsjeća me to na onu epizodu iz alfa kvadranta, dok sam još bio na akademiji, kad se rušio Berlinski zid. Doduše ne s toliko pompe kao ovaj Balenov. I dok smo Balena transportirali direktno u sik bej, glavni inženjer Sale priprema foton torpeda i fejzore za Belgijusance. U isto vrijeme još sneni Ferengi Kvark - Miš priprema kurton torpeda, jer danas je zadnja šansa. Ako danas nešto ne pojebe, kad će?







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Kapetan Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović je naredio jelou alert. Svi su na borbenim položajima. Šef osiguranja Drc javlja da je štit na 73%, a worp pogon je trenutno of lajn. Ono što radi besprijekorno su replikatori hrane. Sva sreća, jer posada je vječito gladna. Tu u delta kvadrantu nema baš puno jestivih namirnica pa koristimo uglavnom već provjerena prehrambena sredstva poput pive, piletine, a ponekad smislimo i neko novo jelo. Soja, to je hrana moja, hrana prava, zdrava, sita, pod imenom Soja-Vita!
Šćele je u sick beju gdje ga dr. Butorac-junior baš skenira trajkoderom.
Dr. Butorac-junior: Da Šćele, riječ je o kičmencu! Trebat će ti kanta dip hitića! Kompjuter! Aktiviraj EMB-senior! (emrđensi medikl Butorac senior).
EMB-senior: Wat sims to be d nejčer of jor medikl emrđensi?
Dr. Butorac-junior: EMB-senior! Donesi kantu dip hitića za zastavnika Šćeleta i jedan džinić za mene! Pronto!
EMB-senior: Razumijem! Jel trebate i pejn kilere?
Dr. Butorac-junior: Može! Daj jednu ploču i Ivanu Spoku Balenu.
Ivan Spok Balen: Logično bi bilo da slijedimo logiku i da kažemo da i meni treba kanta dip hitića i jedna trokut marama, čisto prevencije radi. Također, predlažem terapiju bananom!
EMB-senior: Dat ću ja tebi nešto što je logično!
Emb-senior je teleportirao Ivana Spoka Balena na holodek i pokrenuo program: "Na čašici razgovora kod Čarliiija." Jadan Balen.




Ivan Spok Balen, Dr. Butorac Jr., EMB Sr., štreber Boris i Ćvufta

I dok se cijela posada priprema da krene na okršaj s Belgijusancima, Kolja KfC Koračak, Be-Runa Tores Devald i JEdna od devet Hajak kreću u novu avanturu u Prag. Stare iskusnjare nagovaraju Dalmoša da ne kupuje kartu za spejs-bus,metro i šatl, već da probaju starom prokušanom tehnikom "uštedi krunu – dve" i naivni Kolja popušta. I sad oni fino ulaze u spejs-bus, ne kupuju kartu i Kolji prepričavaju kako su prekjučer stekle dva prijatelja dok su se švercali bespućima Praga. Nije prošlo dugo, jedna ili dve "duboke svemirske postaje 9", i ta dva frenda ulaze u spejs-bus! Pazi iznenađenja! Ko bi reko!?
Bolek: Lolek, jel ti vidiš što i ja vidim?
Lolek: Neznam, šta to točno vidiš?
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Lolek: Zeru! Dioptrija mi je –23. Prekjučer sam izvršio transplantaciju očnih membrana sa onog dobrog panea i od tad niš ne vidim. Mora da je frajer bio skroz ćorav.
Bolek prilazi Be-Runi Tores Devald i pita ju: Punčka, imate li možda Vi i vaši kolege iz Horvatsko danas karte? Sigurno imate, pa ko bi bio tolko lud da ih nema nakon one epizode od prekjučer?
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A za to vrijeme na drugom kraju galaksije...
Kapetan Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović: Na ekran! Poručniče Soso! Što ćemo? Zbog jučerašnje kiše meteora, okršaj s Belgijusancima je odgođen na nekoliko sati. Hoćemo li ostati ovdje i meditirajući kontaktirati svoje životinjske vodiče pa na taj način ubiti vrijeme do bitke ili ćemo se vratiti nazad u "duboku svemirsku postaju 9"?
Poručnik Ma-Li Soso: Ja predlažem da oni koji imaju svoje životinjske savjetnike svakako meditiraju i potraže sve odgovore prije presudne bitke. Oni koji nisu duhovno vezani za svoje indijanske pretke, mogu slobodno na par sati u "DS 9".




Duboka svemirska postaja 9


Budući da su EMB-senior i Dr. Butorac-junior riješili sva svoja zaduženja, dobili su voljno tih nekoliko sati, pa su se oni, zajedno sa još njih par odlučili za odlazak. Među njima, bila je i časnica za moral, Hana Mekanić, koja je slobodno vrijeme odlučila provesti u bjuti salonu na palubi 7, duboko u utrobi svemirske postaje. Budući da je Hana, prije nego se priključila posadi broda Unesi-nagradu (Enter-prajz) radila kao djelatnica na planetu modnih stilista, dizajnera i frizera, u bjuti salonu, nije se dala vući za nos od svojih kolega na stanici "DS 9".
Hana: No dobro, kaj to delate!? Jesam lijepo naručila tapir s izrastom i zaliscima? Pa jeste vi uopće upoznati sa modom u ovom kvadrantu!? Dajte mi taj her fejzor. Bum si sama izvukla izraste i zalizala zaliske! I daj mi prestani dirati kosu s tim gubavim prstima! Isuse Bože!
Hana je uzela stvar u svoje ruke, natapirala se tak da bi joj pozavidjela i Željka Fatorini, a šta bi tek Žeža rekla na izraste i zaliske, to nikad nećemo saznati. I dok se Hana divi svojih ruku djela, osoblje salona nervozno tapka sa strane. Hana je skužila mig, uredno plaća račun i čak ostavlja napojnicu, valjda, znate ono, za frizuru! Mislim da će to ostati jedna od vječitih tema one kultne emisije "Na rubu znanosti", iako ova tema više spada u tematiku "Na rubu pameti", ali dobro, nije bitno.
Prošlo je i tih nekoliko sati, i vrijeme sukoba s neprijateljskom ekipom sa planete Belgijus je stiglo.
Kapetan Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović: Hejl dem! Govori Vam kapetan Rebrović, Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović, kapetan zvjezdanog broda Unesi-nagradu. Molimo da isključite svoje naoružanje! Napominjem! Mi dolazimo iz alfa kvadranta, i posjedujemo puno napredniju tehnologiju od ove Vaše. Dolazimo u miru. Naša misija je plemenita.
Kapetan Belgijusanaca: Sajlens! Mi smo Vas došli uništiti! Već danima serete tu po našem kvadrantu, ispuštate svoje fekalije, maltretirate domoroce Čehe. Vašem teroru došao je kraj!
Šef osiguranja Drc: Kapetane! Naoružanje im je na 60 %. Nisu baš spremni za bitku. Foton torpeda su im of lajn, rade im samo fejzori!
Kapetan Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović: Sale, pripremi foton torpeda! Drc, štitovi na maksimum! Soso, pripremi se za svoju cirkusantsku točku diverzije! Red alert!
Kapetan Belgijusanaca: Dejstvuj! Gađajte fejzorima worp pogon!
Direktan pogodak!
Drc: Štitovi na 68%!
Šef kuhinje Micek: Čarliiiiiii! Kimiiiiiiiii!........Boj!?
Pik-tref-kard Rebrović: Dobro šta sad ovaj tu radi!? Sale, foton torpeda na moj znak!
Ma-Li Soso: Kapetane, pogođeni smo! Replikatori hrane su nam of lajn!
Sranje! I šta sad!
Zoki: Kapetane, mogu li ja malo na odmor. Ako baš ne moram, ja ne bi sad tu napucavo fejzore sa Belgijancima. Ja bi malo do holodeka. Znate, ima jedan zgodan programčić, ratni veterani u Pragu, pa bi ja malo s njima brijo, kužiš ono...ne?
Pik-tref: Ma-Li transportiraj Zokija direkt u brig (zatvor), prokleti idiot, da ti!
Sale, Pali! Drc, Raport!



Šef osiguranja Drc


Drc: Pogođeni su, uništili smo im holodek! Sjano! Imam osjećaj za filing da im to baš nije vitalan dio broda!
Dr. Butorac-junior: Kapetane, imamo ranjenih u sik beju, a s obzirom da nam je sva energija usmjerena na štitove, ne mogu aktivirati EMB-senior! Njegovo aktiviranje zahtjeva malo više energije zbog pozamašnog obujma. Poduzmite nešto!
Pik-tref: I budem! Hejl dem! Govori Vam kapetan....
Kapetan Belgijusanaca: Joj daj ne seri! Kaj sad hoćeš! Frka, a!? Na brodu nema niš za jest i pit! A treba još doć do doma.... Kae!? Stislo, a!?
Pik-tref: Dobro Sale, kaj je s tim torpedima!?
Inženjer Sale: Šta kae!? NE RADE! Nema više! Gotovo! Sjebali nas! 8 direktnih pogodaka! A glavno da smo mi njima spičkali holodek! To je najvažnije! Kaj sve moram ja sam!? Koji kurac još neko ne puca!?



Glavni inženjer Sale, Karlovčanka Marko





Dobro Balen, kakva je to torba?
Da, ova lijeva!


Ma-Li: Ali Sale, pa ti si glavni inženjer! Ko će, ako ne ti!? Uostalom, dobro si i plaćen za to. Terenski dodatak, dnevnice, naknada za odvojen život....
Pik-tref: Dosta! Ja prosvjedujem! Po pravilima federacije, ne smiju se gađati replikatori hrane! Pogotovo ne nama! Pošaljite distres kol! Ja se žalim!
U taj čas se otkrila letjelica u neposrednoj blizini bitke. Letjelica plave boje! Bez puno priče, teleportirali su Kapetana Pik-tref-kard Rebrovića daleko, na susjedni planet i tamo ga ostavili da vida rane! Posada Unesi-nagradu je obezglavljena glatko izgubila bitku od tehnički inferiornijeg neprijatelja, i sa 8:1 poslana prema najbližoj stanici "DS 9". S obzirom da ne rade replikatori hrane, opet je stradao KFC. Dal ćemo doživjeti neku promjenu u ovoj tmurnoj kolotečini, to ćemo tek vidjeti.
Soso aut!
Tu bi kontinjud!

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28 kolovoza, 2007

Epizoda 6, STAR TREK - LOST ĐENEREJŠN!

25.08.2006. petak
Sosos log. Star dejt 25082006. Nalazimo se u delta kvadrantu.Moj najdraži Vulkanac Ivan Spok Balen mi je danas rekao da ga stavim na led. Trbušni zid se srušio. Iskoristio je staru vulkansku tehniku spajanja uma s tijelom i zaključio da je jedini logičan zaključak da mora propustiti današnji okršaj s Belgijusancima. Podsjeća me to na onu epizodu iz alfa kvadranta, dok sam još bio na akademiji, kad se rušio Berlinski zid. Doduše ne s toliko pompe kao ovaj Balenov. I dok smo Balena transportirali direktno u sik bej, glavni inženjer Sale priprema foton torpeda i fejzore za Belgijusance. U isto vrijeme još sneni Ferengi Kvark - Miš priprema kurton torpeda, jer danas je zadnja šansa. Ako danas nešto ne pojebe, kad će?







Ivan Spok Balen, nekad i sad

Kapetan Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović je naredio jelou alert. Svi su na borbenim položajima. Šef osiguranja Drc javlja da je štit na 73%, a worp pogon je trenutno of lajn. Ono što radi besprijekorno su replikatori hrane. Sva sreća, jer posada je vječito gladna. Tu u delta kvadrantu nema baš puno jestivih namirnica pa koristimo uglavnom već provjerena prehrambena sredstva poput pive, piletine, a ponekad smislimo i neko novo jelo. Soja, to je hrana moja, hrana prava, zdrava, sita, pod imenom Soja-Vita!
Šćele je u sick beju gdje ga dr. Butorac-junior baš skenira trajkoderom.
Dr. Butorac-junior: Da Šćele, riječ je o kičmencu! Trebat će ti kanta dip hitića! Kompjuter! Aktiviraj EMB-senior! (emrđensi medikl Butorac senior).
EMB-senior: Wat sims to be d nejčer of jor medikl emrđensi?
Dr. Butorac-junior: EMB-senior! Donesi kantu dip hitića za zastavnika Šćeleta i jedan džinić za mene! Pronto!
EMB-senior: Razumijem! Jel trebate i pejn kilere?
Dr. Butorac-junior: Može! Daj jednu ploču i Ivanu Spoku Balenu.
Ivan Spok Balen: Logično bi bilo da slijedimo logiku i da kažemo da i meni treba kanta dip hitića i jedna trokut marama, čisto prevencije radi. Također, predlažem terapiju bananom!
EMB-senior: Dat ću ja tebi nešto što je logično!
Emb-senior je teleportirao Ivana Spoka Balena na holodek i pokrenuo program: "Na čašici razgovora kod Čarliiija." Jadan Balen.




Ivan Spok Balen, Dr. Butorac Jr., EMB Sr., štreber Boris i Ćvufta

I dok se cijela posada priprema da krene na okršaj s Belgijusancima, Kolja KfC Koračak, Be-Runa Tores Devald i JEdna od devet Hajak kreću u novu avanturu u Prag. Stare iskusnjare nagovaraju Dalmoša da ne kupuje kartu za spejs-bus,metro i šatl, već da probaju starom prokušanom tehnikom "uštedi krunu – dve" i naivni Kolja popušta. I sad oni fino ulaze u spejs-bus, ne kupuju kartu i Kolji prepričavaju kako su prekjučer stekle dva prijatelja dok su se švercali bespućima Praga. Nije prošlo dugo, jedna ili dve "duboke svemirske postaje 9", i ta dva frenda ulaze u spejs-bus! Pazi iznenađenja! Ko bi reko!?
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Kapetan Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović: Na ekran! Poručniče Soso! Što ćemo? Zbog jučerašnje kiše meteora, okršaj s Belgijusancima je odgođen na nekoliko sati. Hoćemo li ostati ovdje i meditirajući kontaktirati svoje životinjske vodiče pa na taj način ubiti vrijeme do bitke ili ćemo se vratiti nazad u "duboku svemirsku postaju 9"?
Poručnik Ma-Li Soso: Ja predlažem da oni koji imaju svoje životinjske savjetnike svakako meditiraju i potraže sve odgovore prije presudne bitke. Oni koji nisu duhovno vezani za svoje indijanske pretke, mogu slobodno na par sati u "DS 9".




Duboka svemirska postaja 9


Budući da su EMB-senior i Dr. Butorac-junior riješili sva svoja zaduženja, dobili su voljno tih nekoliko sati, pa su se oni, zajedno sa još njih par odlučili za odlazak. Među njima, bila je i časnica za moral, Hana Mekanić, koja je slobodno vrijeme odlučila provesti u bjuti salonu na palubi 7, duboko u utrobi svemirske postaje. Budući da je Hana, prije nego se priključila posadi broda Unesi-nagradu (Enter-prajz) radila kao djelatnica na planetu modnih stilista, dizajnera i frizera, u bjuti salonu, nije se dala vući za nos od svojih kolega na stanici "DS 9".
Hana: No dobro, kaj to delate!? Jesam lijepo naručila tapir s izrastom i zaliscima? Pa jeste vi uopće upoznati sa modom u ovom kvadrantu!? Dajte mi taj her fejzor. Bum si sama izvukla izraste i zalizala zaliske! I daj mi prestani dirati kosu s tim gubavim prstima! Isuse Bože!
Hana je uzela stvar u svoje ruke, natapirala se tak da bi joj pozavidjela i Željka Fatorini, a šta bi tek Žeža rekla na izraste i zaliske, to nikad nećemo saznati. I dok se Hana divi svojih ruku djela, osoblje salona nervozno tapka sa strane. Hana je skužila mig, uredno plaća račun i čak ostavlja napojnicu, valjda, znate ono, za frizuru! Mislim da će to ostati jedna od vječitih tema one kultne emisije "Na rubu znanosti", iako ova tema više spada u tematiku "Na rubu pameti", ali dobro, nije bitno.
Prošlo je i tih nekoliko sati, i vrijeme sukoba s neprijateljskom ekipom sa planete Belgijus je stiglo.
Kapetan Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović: Hejl dem! Govori Vam kapetan Rebrović, Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović, kapetan zvjezdanog broda Unesi-nagradu. Molimo da isključite svoje naoružanje! Napominjem! Mi dolazimo iz alfa kvadranta, i posjedujemo puno napredniju tehnologiju od ove Vaše. Dolazimo u miru. Naša misija je plemenita.
Kapetan Belgijusanaca: Sajlens! Mi smo Vas došli uništiti! Već danima serete tu po našem kvadrantu, ispuštate svoje fekalije, maltretirate domoroce Čehe. Vašem teroru došao je kraj!
Šef osiguranja Drc: Kapetane! Naoružanje im je na 60 %. Nisu baš spremni za bitku. Foton torpeda su im of lajn, rade im samo fejzori!
Kapetan Tomo Pik-tref-kard Rebrović: Sale, pripremi foton torpeda! Drc, štitovi na maksimum! Soso, pripremi se za svoju cirkusantsku točku diverzije! Red alert!
Kapetan Belgijusanaca: Dejstvuj! Gađajte fejzorima worp pogon!
Direktan pogodak!
Drc: Štitovi na 68%!
Šef kuhinje Micek: Čarliiiiiii! Kimiiiiiiiii!........Boj!?
Pik-tref-kard Rebrović: Dobro šta sad ovaj tu radi!? Sale, foton torpeda na moj znak!
Ma-Li Soso: Kapetane, pogođeni smo! Replikatori hrane su nam of lajn!
Sranje! I šta sad!
Zoki: Kapetane, mogu li ja malo na odmor. Ako baš ne moram, ja ne bi sad tu napucavo fejzore sa Belgijancima. Ja bi malo do holodeka. Znate, ima jedan zgodan programčić, ratni veterani u Pragu, pa bi ja malo s njima brijo, kužiš ono...ne?
Pik-tref: Ma-Li transportiraj Zokija direkt u brig (zatvor), prokleti idiot, da ti!
Sale, Pali! Drc, Raport!



Šef osiguranja Drc


Drc: Pogođeni su, uništili smo im holodek! Sjano! Imam osjećaj za filing da im to baš nije vitalan dio broda!
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